


Monkey Business

by LittlebutFiery



Series: Awkward Encounters Challenge [1]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Awkwardness, F/M, Monkeys, Only minor Gallya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 06:08:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4694978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittlebutFiery/pseuds/LittlebutFiery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A monkey pops into the team's safehouse in Istanbul and makes quite the scene for Gaby.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monkey Business

**Author's Note:**

> Written by request for doctorhuhu, who included this as one part of their four-part Awkward Encounters Challenge: "Pet steals ur underwear, comes home to find you running around my house to get it back and your cute but what the fuck man"

Istanbul was so much better than Rome, in Gaby’s opinion. This mission was less time-sensitive, giving her plenty of time to drag Napoleon and Illya out and about in the city. The food in particular was spectacular, and watching Illya and Napoleon getting into a pissing contest over who could treat her to the most lavish meals was the most fun Gaby had had in years.

Today Illya had promised her a nice, quiet dinner at some local hole-in-the-wall, prompting relentless teasing from Napoleon, but the Soviet had insisted that this food would be the best she’d ever had.

_Well, the liquor certainly isn’t the best I’ve ever had_ , Gaby thought, letting out a little huff. The vodka here was practically water, but that didn’t stop her from pouring a glass and heading out onto the balcony. The three of them were sharing a tiny little house instead of two hotel rooms on this mission, with Waverly lounging in luxury at the resort across the street. Napoleon had been so annoyed at the disparity in housing arrangements that he had swiped Waverly’s glasses with absolutely no intention of returning them during this mission.

The view from their balcony was beautiful – the sun was high in the sky, glittering off the various metal roofs and towers of the city. Far away on the horizon, the Hagia Sophia gleamed like a star. Gaby stood on the balcony for a while, idling away her time admiring the bustling city. Both Illya and Napoleon were out, breaking into somebody-or-another’s hideout, leaving Gaby immensely bored and more than a little frustrated at her lack of training.

Suddenly, a dark shape moved at the corner of her vision. She let out a shriek of surprise, whirling to face the shape. The hand holding her glass was drawn back, ready to throw – it wasn’t until hours later she realized what a pitiful defense a small glass of vodka would’ve been.

Instead of a stranger or one of the men they were tracking down, Gaby found herself staring at a small black-and-white monkey. She relaxed and said, “Well, aren’t you a cute little thing?” 

The monkey stared vacantly back at her before suddenly running away, jumping up on the table, and pulling a grape out of the fruit bowl. Gaby put her hands on her hips and scowled, “Well, make yourself at home, why don’t you.”

It nibbled on the grape in response. Gaby laughed – Illya and Napoleon would have no idea what to do with the little animal, and she certainly wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to watch them try to wrangle it.

She smiled at the monkey, which had moved onto another grape, and said, “Well, _Affe_ , make yourself comfortable. I am going to go shower.”

Gaby put a record on the turntable, turned the volume up, and waltzed into the bathroom, not the least bit concerned about the wild animal sitting in the kitchen.

She regretted that decision a little while later as she stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel. Her monkey friend was sitting by her pile of clothes, a glint in its little beady eyes.

Gaby looked down, scowling at it. “Those are my clothes, little one. I need those.” She took a step towards the monkey, which ran away.

Not, though, without taking her underwear with it. Gaby let out a screech and yelled, “Wait! Come back! I need that!”

Unfortunately for her, the monkey was much faster and nimbler than her, leading her on a frantic chase in circles around the second story of the little house. More than a few pieces of furniture were casualties of the chase – the turntable was smashed when Gaby slid into it, leaving the record in sharp pieces on the floor. 

Gaby was trying to tug her panties away from the monkey when a familiar voice asked, “Gaby?”

Her head snapped up as all the color drained from her cheeks; the monkey took advantage of her distraction to run away. Illya was standing at the top of the stairs, a brown paper bag in his hand and an extremely confused expression on his face. 

“Illya! You’re back!” Gaby’s voice was an octave higher than usual.

“…yes, I am,” Illya replied, still giving her a strange look. “Although I wonder if I am not dreaming.” 

“Unfortunately, this isn’t a dream,” Gaby sighed, rubbing her face.

“I agree. If it was, you would not be the only one who wasn’t wearing clothes,” Illya replied. Gaby was about to spit back a vicious rebuke when the implication of his words became paralyzingly clear, and she looked down.

Somewhere in her frantic chase of the thieving monkey, she had lost the flimsy towel she had wrapped around herself.

She was standing in their living room, completely stark naked.

“I…uh…” Gaby stammered. She sighed, cheeks burning red. “A monkey stole my underwear while I was showering.”

“Don’t you have more?” Illya asked.

“That’s my favorite pair,” Gaby snapped back, eliciting a chuckle from Illya.

“You like them so much you couldn’t get dressed before getting them back?” the man asked, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Yes!” Gaby growled, trying to hide her embarrassment with anger.

Illya laughed again. “And Cowboy called me silly for trying to get my father’s watch back from muggers.”

“If you’re so good at getting things back, go get my clothes from that monkey,” Gaby scowled, crossing her arms. Instead of replying, he held out his coat, which Gaby grabbed from his hand.

It took Gaby a moment to notice that despite his suggestive comment earlier, Illya was pointedly staring at the floor instead of her, his cheeks bright red as well. It was a little endearing, Gaby realized, to see that he was just as embarrassed as she was – if not more – instead of just wolfishly staring at her.

“Thank you, Illya,” Gaby softened, putting on his jacket. It nearly went down to her knees. Illya finally looked up and smiled at her, trying to stifle a chuckle.

“I will go rescue your clothes from monkey,” he said instead, heading over towards the table where the monkey sat.

Illya was back almost immediately, holding Gaby’s frilly pink panties at arm’s length as if they were a biohazard. Gaby snatched them back, demanding, “How did you get them back so easily?”

“Easy. I didn’t scare the monkey,” Illya replied, smirking. “You walk slow, and animals aren’t scared. You run at them, they run away.”

“I know that. I’m not an idiot,” Gaby huffed.

Illya saw the fire in her eyes and wisely chose not to comment on how she had indeed chased the monkey around. Instead he smiled and said, “Whatever you say, little chop shop girl.”

Gaby glared at him a moment before scowling, “Solo won’t hear a word of this.”

“I won’t hear a word of what?” a voice asked.

Gaby and Illya whirled around. Napoleon was standing in the doorway, a devilish grin on his face.

And the monkey on his shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> The monkey was definitely not directly inspired by the monkey in the first Indiana Jones movie. Definitely not.


End file.
